


The Ghost of Our Hearts

by dreamydami



Category: Chase Me - Dreamcatcher (Music Video), Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Reader-Insert, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 23:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20461025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamydami/pseuds/dreamydami
Summary: When you're meant for each other, what could possibly go wrong?





	The Ghost of Our Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. And sorry. Because I'm back with angst hehe.
> 
> I'm focusing on my social media AU now, since I'm done scratching this itch hehe.
> 
> Leave me comments at https://curiouscat.me/crajee4jenyer or you can find me on twt @crajee4jenyer :)

"I'm honestly not sure about this, but I'm sure about you," Dami, or rather Yoobin, tells you under the deep night sky, peppered with bright stars that shine through your eyes and hers.

"I would understand if you don't want to continue this, but I do feel very deeply about you." She is fighting for it, she is fighting for you. And you know she means it because Lee Yoobin is anything but disingenuous.

You were both sipping coffee in an outdoor cafe, the cold winter night breeze creeping up to your skins, making the tips of your body feel rigid with the biting cold. The heat from the coffee the only thing keeping your hands balmy because you refuse to hold her hand, which she has been offering since you rubbed them together.

“Heat pack?” She asks, her eyebrows now raised and visibly puzzled 

"Hey, answer me please. Your silence is giving me anxiety." She rubs her hands together and clasps her hot coffee mug, eager to give her freezing hands some much-needed heat. She hates the cold yet she stayed out here just to hang out with you, because if you stayed inside the cafe a few people holding Dreamcatcher albums and banners would notice who she is.

"Sorry. I'm just thinking. Deeply." You answer breathily as she drums her fingers on the table.

"Go on, I know you're cold. Hold my hand." She offers again and this time firmer than earlier. She places the back of her hand against the table with her palm facing the sky, and you adore the beauty that are her luxurious hands. You splay your small fingers against her long ones and she squeezes your hand tightly as she keeps them warm in her coat pocket. Her other hand was busy with the heat pack, warming her doughy cheeks that are now turning pink.

She keeps the heat pack in her pocket, keeping both of your hands warm. She reaches for your hair with her free hand and fixes the disheveled strands, and you know she loves combing through your hair as it’s one of her ways of taking care of someone. She once told you that she helps you fix your hair because it shows your picturesque face more, and another time she just wanted to see how you’d look like with hair clipped into your ears.

You move away a bit, conscious that other people might recognise who you are with.

"I'm using shades at night. With a hoodie. And an over-sized coat. Come on, no one's gonna notice."

You were almost growing tired of only meeting her during dark nights — it went on for weeks, and then months, but now you wonder are you really just going to give up now that you've finally confessed your feelings for each other? She beams with a bright smile, one that's both adorable and tempting, and you find yourself spiraling again into the black hole of fondness reserved only for her.

“Okay…” you sheepishly say, a cowardly yet brave smile painting across your face as her fingers now travel the outline of your face, her fingers tracing every corner of it. Her hands felt thin yet sturdy, and her skin against yours felt security and safety.

“You’re so cold. We should go somewhere warm.”

“To where?”

“You’ll see.”

You hop on a bus beside Gangnam Station. You’re not sure where you’re headed, but you trust her with your whole heart. With no hesitation you tap your transport card and sit at the nearest available seat, beside the person who lured you into this bus — the person who you know is the most important in your life, the one who gives you happiness but also loneliness at times.

You arrive at a slightly-lit building. It was pretty small but it looked like it holds a couple of small businesses inside. Yoobin takes out her phone, checks on her KaTalk group chat with her members, and locks it just before she spins around with a stellar smile.

“So… I got a studio! Well, I’m renting it. And it’s small. But it’s a studio. Just like what I had in my head."

She grabs your hand quite forcefully and you feel the excitement as the heat from her palms transfer to yours. You get on the elevator and she presses the number 7, her other hand still clutching onto yours tightly like a little kid who’s about to show your her play place that she tidied up herself.

The elevator opens and she tugs on your hand again, guiding you gently.

“Is this place safe? It looks kinda sketchy.” You ask with a whisk of worry in your voice because the building looked old and kind of not well-lit.

“I asked help from the company. They’re good in finding cheap but nice places, you know, budget constraints and all. It’s become a skill for the staff. They’re amazing.”

You see the twinkle coming from her eyes as she walks towards the door she is focused on. It says 7D.

“Okay, what are the chances that this room was available when we inquired?”

"Oh wow! Then I guess it's meant for you!"

"Guess so. Do you wanna see what's inside?"

"Nah I'll just stare at this door until the paint decays."

"Witty."

She opens the door with the key in her hand. It creaks a little heavily but it sounds graceful rather than bothersome; it is the door that opens to Yoobin's dreams — to what she's always wanted to do and wished to have.

"Wow. You've got decent stuff here already!"

"Oh, nah. This keyboard is what I got for myself and this MIDI is just borrowed. Soon I'll have my own, but this is enough for now."

There was delight in her voice and pride on her face when she lets go of your hand to stand in front of you -- her arms wide open with her smile covered with the shadow of her hoodie.

"I can't see your smile. Remove your hoodie." You request of her. She obliges as she removes her coat and takes out the hood from her head.

"You just want to see my handsome face."

"If your fans see this side of you, they'll go crazy!"

"Well, like idol, like fan. I'm sure we all share one brain cell."

She walks closer to you as she removes her glasses and tucks them inside the pocket of her hoodie. She smiles now that she's inches away, almost exchanging each other's breaths.

"But us... We share the same feelings. And that's what matters right now, don't you think?"

She cups your cheeks that are now flushed with the heat from your nerves, your bodies just hair strands away from each other. Her small red lips curve upwards as she sees the hesitation in your eyes. She likes seeing you panic a little because of her, because she loves taking care of you as you calm down from the high.

"Can I kiss you?" She asks gently, in a very Lee Yoobin manner.

You do not - and cannot - hide the way that your heart jumps out from your chest because even the quiet walls can hear its fast tempo. You were looking into her deep eyes, ones that scream more of how much she actually loves you, more than her words ever could. 

She was always a woman of action, her gestures and efforts always more meaningful than the words that escape her mouth.

You lean closer as she grabs you by the arms, pulling you tighter to her temperate core. Your lips touch slowly, the brushing of your rubies soft and hard at the same time. She presses her lips fully, chaste and tepid against your own that they feel as if your whole body was in a furnace, slowly heating up and then going up in flames. Your burning desire to breathe her in rises as the closed-mouth kiss becomes a torrid one, her hands pulling on the strands of your hair as your own ease up from the back of her head to her ears. She lets off a soft moan through her teeth as you are now agape, catching for breath as your tongues start to fight for dominance. She brings her hands down to your waist, grazing her palms against the hot strip of skin that she's now addicted to touch. Her handles are getting faster as your breaths start racing against one another. She suddenly pulls away, and the absence of her tongue inside your mouth makes the longing feel worse.

She slowly removes the coat you are wearing and lays it down on the nearest chair. Your urge to touch her skin now stronger than your will to go home and sleep on your own comfortable bed. She cups your face and she indulges in your mouth as your tongue run through fire, the kiss that is now translated into words. Truly, her actions are louder. She pushes you to the sofa that seemed pretty new -- gently but strongly with the balls of her hands. She quickly follows after as your eyes stay fixated on her lips. She plants kisses on your neck and as she hears you heaving louder, she gently nibbles on your vulnerable skin. She sucks a bit harder as your moans start getting thicker, her hands gently assisting as you tilt your head to the sky. Your legs are stretched on top of hers, and you jolt up as she gives one final suck of your neck. She pulls away slowly, marveling at the mark she had left on you.

"That should mean property of Dami. So everyone would know."

"Do they really have to?"

"Not really. But you need to know that I'm yours."

She asks you to lay down on the sofa as she removes her hoodie, exposing a white v-neck that she has underneath. Your legs are in between hers, with her knees kissing the sofa. She shifts her body weight on you, as gentle as how the clouds try to go over the harmful sun. Her face is now on top of yours. And you spend the night switching whose face is over whose, resting with kisses and nibbles in between. You cuddle after the strong, throbbing of the push and pull of passion and you fall sound asleep on her chest as she plays with your hair with the ends of her long fingers. She reaches for her phone on the floor, checks the time, and slowly slips from the comfortable position you two are in. You felt that there was movement underneath your head, and you notice the slim figure standing up against the light. You mutter a disgruntled groan.

"Oh? You're awake?" Yoobin asks as her draped body is in front of her computer, her one hand holding the blanket together on her chest and the other busy with the mouse.

"You left me..."

"Sorry, I had to check my email. Manager sent something. Also it's after midnight. We better get going if we don't wanna miss the bus."

Your night ends at the bus stop where the two of you take different routes. Yoobin was back on her coat and hoodie for her safety, and you were back in your own bubble where memories of her touch still linger on your skin. Her warmth was still on your shoulders, her kisses were still on your back, and her moans through your ears are like ghosts that never seem to leave you.

Her bus arrives first and it's a bittersweet feeling — bitter because you hate seeing her go yet sweet because she doesn't have to walk around tiptoeing around broken glass, now that she's back in her world without you. You watch her board the bus as the vehicle runs off, and feel your heart clench as she moves a couple more meters away from you. You knew how it will be and how it'll always be, but she begged you to hang on to her with the promise of trust, passion, and respect.

* * *

They are finally on a break after their harsh couple of months since the start of the year, and you finally had the time to spend a whole day with her without being bothered by her manager's calls. It was already summer. It had been a gruelling couple of months with Yoobin only having you through a screen and a couple of taps. When she wasn't overseas doing concerts, she is locked inside their company walls endlessly covering songs with her members. But today is a good day, and she promised that there will be no distractions from you. 

She keeps her promise well, her data turned off and only reading the text messages that her members would be occasionally sending her. Actually - not members - just one. It's the person that has always been close to her since she started this whole journey, and she calls her "her best friend who knows it all."

"Babe, do you wanna have dinner with Yoohyeon tomorrow? She's asking for a repayment when I knocked over her iced coffee when we were in Singapore."

"Wha— just me?"

She laughs at the confusion in your face as the sky turns orange from the rooftop cafe you are both settled in. You were wearing matching outfits — denim jacket with white shirt underneath, denim jeans, with a white cap for you and a black cap for her. Yoobin doesn't really enjoy couple things but because you wanted to do it, she agreed without batting an eye. Besides, she's used to Yoohyeon asking her to wear matching clothes… Hmm, Yoohyeon...

"No, silly. Of course it'll be with me. She wants to have some meat or any Japanese restaurant that you'd like to try. I'm paying, so better choose a good restaurant."

"Uh, do I really have to join? You know I'm kinda awkward with her..."

"That's what I'm saying. You have to stop being awkward around her, babe. Please."

"It's not that easy, you know. Like, what do I not know about your history?"

"And it's history. You're the present. _My present._ And I know it's awkward, but she'll always be my best friend. She will always be by my side. She will always be a part of my life, no matter what happens.”

Her words pierce through your ears and then to your heart, like the thorns on a rose stem that's been punctured from your head to your chest. It’s the reality that you have to face, and you do know that it’s never gonna change. She was seated beside you, with a table separating the two of you. You were drinking a cocktail and her an iced chocolate drink. Her head is tilted towards you while her elbows are on her knees, her phone held by her both hands. You send a smile along her way and you tried to breathe before you speak.

“Babe, no, it’s fine. I’m sorry. Maybe next time.”

“Okay. I understand. Don’t worry.”

She reaches for your hand as she sets her phone aside on the table, the screen facing flat. That’s her signal that her phone time is up, and she’s all yours now. You smile at her gesture and squeeze her hand tight, her hand’s bones feeling perfectly-sculpted against yours.

“I love you, so much. And I hope you know that I can do anything for you, although I'm sorry if I might not look like it. But I’m really... willing to do anything. You just have to give me time.” Your eyes are pleading, almost watery, and you kiss the back of her hand as you draw your last word after deeply inhaling. You exhale just as heavy, and your breath felt scorching against her hand. Yoobin squeezed your hand tighter, the smile in her face growing longer.

“And I hope you know that I feel the same. You mean a lot to me. You helped me through a lot of things, and falling for you was only a matter of time. I love you.”

You’ve known each other for more than a year now, but you only started being honest with yourselves a couple of months ago. Yoobin has always had her guard up, but you gave her the confidence she needed to fully put her gates down and express herself freely. She’s always shown that she’s strong in front of her members, but deep inside she feels lonely and listless. You helped her find her voice, and you let her feel vulnerable whenever she needs to be emotional. You are her rock and also her pillow — impregnable yet comfortable under harsh circumstances.

You go out a couple more times, enjoying museums, chill afternoon swims, and music festivals you’ve been wanting to go to, as you make the most out of her long break before she starts working again. 

With all these things, there’s still this nagging pain that you question yourself after all these months. It’s a short question, but it has limitless emotions that make you languid whenever you’re not with her.

_“Until when?”_

* * *

Yoobin’s break is now over, and that means your endless days and nights with her are also over. It has already started raining these days, and you’d miss the times when you’d just lazily stay in in your own apartment, her arms wrapped around your core while your nape is against her nose. She would take in your scent, as intoxicating as it is for you, and she would brush her lips on your flesh as she hugs you tighter. You would hear her heartbeat, irregular and deafening against your back. You would feel her breath in short and chattering bursts, airing through the ends of your hair.

But those sensations have to end now, because Yoobin won’t be able to spend her idle times with you anymore. Not because she doesn’t want to, but because she is back to her world of dreams and passion.

She has been busy trying to compose songs, pouring out her time and energy into notes and letters that would harmonize beautifully to create a good song. She has been living both in her studio and their company’s practice room, living little room for her to spend time with you. You visit her in her studio and bring her breakfast, and she kisses you on the lips as soon as she opens the door. You close it carefully as she grabs the food bag from you and puts it down on the nearest table, and she pushes you against the wall to give you more blistering kisses that extend from your tongue to your chest. She breathes in your neck’s scent, and rests her chin at the crook of your neck. She bruises it with a light kiss, and embraces you warm and snug as her hands crawl on your back. Your arms caress her svelte figure, and pull her closer to you.

“Are you okay? You’re definitely tensed.” You ask, as you push her away gently to look her in the eyes.

“Yeah, I’m tensed. It’s been so hard to marry these notes and words. Like, I already have what I want to happen in my mind but I can’t find out _how_ to actually do it. On top of that, Yoohyeon will be recording her special clip here.”

“Oh, so she’ll be here in a while?”

“Yeah, so please stay. She said she also brought food. Please don’t say no. I need you here right now.”

And of course you couldn’t say no to her request. You nod your head in approval, and she gives you a final kiss on the lips before going back to work. You sit on the sofa as she heads to her work station, and you could see her working on her music from that point of view — it was beautiful and fascinating, and you’ve always loved how dedicated she is with her craft.

A knock comes through the door, and you already know who it is with the way Yoobin turned her head on the first thump.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it.” Yoobin says, and you feel _something_ at the pit of your stomach and it’s kind of making you sick.

She opens the door and you can see a black-haired girl, loose and flowing on her shoulders. Her smile is wide and her face is like sunshine, and she greets Yoobin with peeled ivories.

“Hey! Wow so this is your studio! And hey ___!”

“Hi, Yoohyeon!” You stand up from the sofa as Yoobin grabs the food bag that Yoohyeon was carrying, and placed it on the same table as earlier.

“How have you been? I’ve heard so much about you! It’s a shame we just met now!

“I-I know. Sorry I’m always busy whenever you ask Yoobin to bring me to dinners.”

“Oh that’s fine. Don’t worry.”

You catch on Yoohyeon’s smiling virus and you find yourself grinning at someone you’re not too comfortable with. She is easy to talk to and has a warm presence, exactly how Yoobin describes her to you.

“Ladies, thanks for feeding me. Let’s eat everything you brought before we work!” Yoobin gathers the both of you and the brunch went on nicely, with Yoobin and Yoohyeon exchanging a couple of laughters in between bites and Yoobin explaining to you their inside jokes. You all finished your meals, and you clean up everything before the two started working. You were on the sofa, reading your unfinished book that Yoobin had given to you before her break ended, “so you don’t forget me when you don’t see me often.”

Yoohyeon starts singing and her voice is like fire and ice that burn through your ears, as it soothes your other senses with a cool and refreshing feeling. It rolled over the hills in delightful waves and swells of power rise up in her throat. Her voice was melody and grace, with the bright feeling of knowing that her voice was brought out by happiness that she is recording with her friend - her best friend. Her chords seemed to be at ease, no shadow of pressure reverberating through her notes. Her laughters in between breaks sound like melting honey, as well as the smiles that the two exchange. And you know she is beautiful, but now you’ve found out that she’s much more than that and you get why Yoobin used to swoon over her.

You pan your eyes at Yoobin who is staring at Yoohyeon carefully, her eyes seemingly memorizing every corner of her face as Yoohyeon belts breathily through the song that she’s covering. They laugh again, and you see how Yoobin’s eyes sparkle whenever she focuses on Yoohyeon’s lips as she sings another verse.

You see Yoobin with that plastered smile, and suddenly the melodies in your heart stopped gliding through the air as it once did before. It has turned quiet, the violins now unplaying and as the notes rise to a crescendo, the bursting pain in your heart would shout in anguish. Your heart clenches as you see Yoobin’s face, clearly painting a thousand pictures without even making any strokes. It now feels hollow, with an indescribable pain that’s leaving you suffocated as their headphones encage their ears. Maybe it’s better this way — looking at her from afar with her back facing you and her ears covered, so she doesn’t see the tears that are brimming in your eyes and she doesn’t hear the faint whimpers when you try to suppress your sobs. Maybe it’s time to go — and maybe not just from this studio.

You wipe your face with the bed of your palms and you dry your hands by rubbing it on your pants. You inhale deeply and wait for their next break, but you wish for them to keep recording so you can just keep looking at Yoobin a little longer. _Just a bit longer._ You welcome the pain and the longing you are already feeling even if she’s only a couple of steps away. This is now your decision, and you know that Yoobin would never agree. You hate it. You hate that you are about to leave the most amazing woman you’ve ever met in your life. But you know that what you’re about to do is just something that is bound to happen. Maybe you’re also being selfish, because you’ve been feeling lonely and you want someone to always be by your side. But mostly it’s because you love her so much that you can’t bear the pain of seeing her less happy than she deserves.

You see the way she smiles, and that’s the way your heart beams when you see her. Actually, it may be different. But you know she deserves so much more than loving with doubts hidden in the shadows when you make love to each other. She’s the only one you’ve ever wanted and needed — but you know she’s destined for much greater things. 

Your mind tries to debate with you: _“What could possibly go wrong when you’re obviously fated for each other? From interests to priorities and love for each other?”_

And you know, you’re not even sure. Maybe it’s you. Maybe you have to fix yourself. Maybe it’s because you think you’re not good enough for her. Maybe it’s your own baggage and you don’t want to burden her with your own weight.

They finally go on break and Yoobin gets up on her feet and gazes over to you while mouthing, “Are you hungry?"

You stand up as well and you gesture to Yoobin that you need to leave. She taps Yoohyeon at the back and rushes over to you.

“You have to leave already?”

“Yeah, seems you’re gonna take a while.”

“Actually, yeah. Might end up finishing at midnight or later. But don’t you wanna have dinner together at least?”

“Hmm, I think I need to buy stuff for Canny since I’m about to run out of dog food.”

“Oh, poor Canny! You should always feed him right! Can I visit him next time?”

“You know you’re always free to visit him. It’s just a matter of when.”

Yoobin purses her lips, and she knows what you’re talking about.

“I’ll make it up to you. One of these days it won’t just be a boring hang out in my studio.”

“Don’t worry about it. I understand.”

You walk towards the door and Yoobin steps out with you. She closes it behind both of you, and you throw yourself onto her as you catch the breath in your lungs while trying to stop the tears from falling down your face. You press your lips on hers, hard with passion yet soft with yearning. And it becomes torrid the moment you place your hands on her ears as if nibbling it like you’re making love. She answers your heated kiss, sucking on your lower lip as her fingers trace the slope of your neck.

You will miss this. And you will crave for this. And you will cry about this every single fucking night.

You pull away as the intensity dies down, as the red flame turns to blue and as the flowers start to wilt. You hold on to her hand, but not to the dreams that she said she had for the two of you. You let go of your promise to always be patient, because you know in yourself that the two of you deserve better than waiting for one’s schedule to free up to at least have a meal together. You’d even be lucky to have a meal, because sometimes you go on weeks without meeting each other even if you’re in the same city, because her two to three hours of free time would rather be spent sleeping rather than meeting you — and you understand that. You want her to go on without worrying about you, because with everything that’s going on with her fast-paced career, you are the last thing that you want her to worry about.

You say goodbye to her as the emptiness in your hand eats at your heart, and you turn away from her with the thought that this is probably the last time you’ll be seeing her with a smile on her face. Maybe next time there will be tears, maybe next time there will be no more Yoobin to face you.

“Bye, love. See you next time,” she says while waving her hand.

“Take care of yourself. I love you so much,” you say as you earnestly look into her eyes. You turn your back to her as you start walking away, keeping your head down as you watch your feet take steps towards the elevator.

You’re finally at the foot of the building, and you have now unleashed the tears from your heart. The pain is gnawing at you, consuming and depleting every living inch of you. You walk along the street, where she would usually hold your hand when you’re about to enter the building. With liquid crystals flooding your cheeks, you turn around to look back at the 7th floor, at the unit with a dream catcher hanging by its window.

“Let's find the happiness that we both deserve."


End file.
